“What is the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don’t understand.”
For my dear friends Accountants, Auditor, and CPAs, here is jokes for you (about you) :
A very successful partner is a big six firm had a peculiar habit. He will go to his desk open a locked drawer, look inside, lock the drawer again, and start his work. His subordinates knew that he hid the secret of his success in the drawer, they waited for the opportunity. One day when the partner had gone out of the city, the juniors decided to make a break. They broke into the drawer, breathlessly, and looked inside. There was one small piece of paper inside – it said – “left is debit and right is credit.”
Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.” The shepherd thinks it over, it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. “973” says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says “OK, I am a man of my word, take an animal.” Man picks one up and begins to walk away. “Wait,” cries the shepherd, “Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” Man says sure. “You are an accountant with a Big Six firm,” says the shepherd. “Amazing!” responds the man, “You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that? “Well,” says the shepherd, “put down my dog and I will tell you.”
An auditor is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend many hours trying to find it.”
Three accountants were in the urinal performing their morning constitutional. The first finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried. Turning to other two accountants, he says – “Chartered Accountants are trained to be extremely thorough.”
The second finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper and makes sure that he dries every drop of water from his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says – “Certified Accountants are not only trained be extremely thorough but also trained to be extremely efficient.”
The third accountant finishes and walks straight for the door. “Management Accountants learn not to piss on their hands.”
One day in microeconomics, the professor was writing up the typical “underlying assumptions” in preparation to explain a new model. I turned to my friend and asked, “What would Economics be without assumptions?” He thought for a moment, then replied, “Accounting.”
A science graduate asks, “Why does it work?” An engineering graduate asks, “How does it work?” An accounting graduate asks, “How much it costs?” A humanity graduate asks, “Do you want fries with that, Sir?”
How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? How much money do you have?
What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.
When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.
What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he is talking to you instead of his own.
What is an auditor?Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets the wounded.